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Monthly Archives: February 2013

When I held You

The moment I held you,
nested with your body,
wed thigh to thigh,
belly to back,
breath to your neck.
The moment I held you
The sigh, the sleep
my hand rising and falling
with each of your breaths,
you, my inspiration.
The moment I held you
when your body let go,
when your soul, let loose,
held to mine, soul to soul,
and I could no longer tell
whose soul belonged to who.
The moment I held you
when the distance disappeared,
when separation ceased,
when all became you and me
became we and naught else existed
but us and still you are all with which
I am filled.

 
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Posted by on February 22, 2013 in philosophy, Poetry, Uncategorized

 

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Just some thoughts I had today. For what they are worth.

Don’t be something you are not. Don’t do things just because you think it is what someone else will want, or so that person won’t be angry, or sad, or lonely.  Not for anyone. Don’t change anything for anyone just because you think it’ll make someone happy. It is ingenuine.  It is a form of dishonesty.  The other person will never know if it is really your desire or just you doing what you think someone else wants. It will end in distrust, even if your intentions were good.

How you are is not your fault. Your past, your habits, your reactions. None of it. Until that very moment when you find something you dislike or want to change.  Then it is your fault if it continues, your responsibility if it remains. The moment you find something you want to change, it is no longer blamable on the past.

Don’t go to sleep angry. You’ve heard that before.  But it is good advice. Don’t. Not at a spouse, or your kid, or your boss, or the government, or the world.  Breathe and let it go. You might not wake up. Don’t go to sleep angry.  And when you make up, wake up to see a smile, or the bright sun, or to falling rain, or to something that is sweet, because it may be the last time you wake, may be the last day you see. Fill your day with harmony and sweetness, because you may not see the next day. Why have anything on your last day that isn’t sweet? If anything gets in the way of harmony and sweetness, change how you feel about it or remove it.

Even pain can be sweet. But drama never is isn’t.

People love you and have helped you. Love and help them. Be there for them. Even if you have the short end of the bargain from time to time.  But don’t let gratitude, or love, or fear, yours or theirs, hold you hostage.  If you do, the relationship is built on something ingenuine.

Be you. The best you you can be. If you like something about you, or if it works for you, don’t change it. Not for anyone or anything. If there is something you don’t like, or if it doesn’t work for you, change it, no matter what others feel about it. You get this shot at this life only.

 
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Posted by on February 8, 2013 in Family, philosophy, psychology, Social

 

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Recognizing Kali in a Young Girl

This is the first poem of mine I had ever heard read aloud. I had wondered about my poetry, whether it was any good or not. Whether it was worthy of publication in any way.  I had been reading the works of my favorite poets, Piercy and Ciardi and Millay, wondering if I would ever like my own work as much. No, I was sure. No.

One late night, after a campfire and dinner with friends, driving from Jonesville back home to Gainesville, Florida, the radio on a local station, we listened to a show with a variety of music and poetry and prose. A poem came on, introduced not at all, without a title, and I listened, mind fixed solidly on the words and rhythm. This, this, I said to Lee, this is what I wish my work sounded like. I wish I could write like this.

A stanza or two in, I said this. Lee elbowed me, said, “but,” and I asked her to let me finish listening to it first. She elbowed me again and said, “That IS your poem.” I believe this was followed by an eye-roll.  And, yes, indeed, it was.

And it was as I wanted it to sound. Said what I wanted a poem to say. I had written something I would want to listen to.

And there went my excuses.

Recognizing Kali in a Young Girl

Sitting here by the side of a two-lane
watching no cars go by
and steam rise in plumes
from the gaping hood of my automobile,
my daughter and I on this lonely shoulder
sitting, waiting for help.
Waiting for assistance.

Standing to stare into the engine
in a testosterone ritual predating cars
and trucks and carriages,
carts and wheels,
I imagine an early progenitor of my gender
staring intently into the mouth of a horse
checking teeth, gums, breath,
looking at the legs and feeling he wanted to kick something
but having no tires available
grabbed the beast’s cannon bone with a sturdy hand,
checking for splints.

Bubbling and boiling,
maybe this car will never move again
and I’ll have no reason to sit within its space
confined with hope of forced conversation with the little girl
too old to want to talk with her father
and too innocent to know why.

Turning away from the beast
I look to the field:
wildflowers blooming
tall, short, colored like air and sun,
water and earth, dancing in the wind
with my daughter, swaying and swirling
with my daughter.

The old rabbis have said,
or so the Hassidic recount,
not a blade of grass grows,
not a leaf falls
that an angel does not make it so.
Classes of angels,
Cherubim, Seraphim,
cloud angels and insect angels,
grass angels and tree angels.
Angels, then, for sunlight and rain
and for home cooking and pizza joints.
Angels for taxes and funerals and sex.
Angels for car engines.
Angels for little girls.

And there she is,
crouching among the blooms,
picking iris and narcissus.
Harvesting angels.

(This poem, along with many others, can be found in various anthologies as well as my own book, The Phoenix and the Dragon: Poems from the Alchemical Transformation (Smithcraft Press), available, along with my other books, Tellstones: Runic Divination in the Welsh Tradition, and Bud the Spud, at your local bookstore, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo and elsewhere, for you reading needs, whether you like to hold books in your hands or read them on tablets or phones of Kindles or Nooks or, goodness gracious – so many options.  You can find my author profile on Amazon and please find me as well at GoodReads.)

 
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Posted by on February 7, 2013 in Culture, Family, Poetry, Religion, Social

 

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