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Today is my Anniversary

21 Dec

Today is my anniversary. The clock moves on, pages pulled from calendars,  life moves on, people move on. But dates remain, along with the people for whom they mean something. This date means something to me. But not to anyone else. Not anymore.

And so the day goes on. Lisa is at a funeral. I am at work. I’d be at the funeral too, but today is the last day of mid-term exams, and the last day before the winter break. Taking off today was simply not going to happen. People move on.

Bob was a friend. A radical in the style, location and times of the Chicago Seven, a musician, a photographer, and political activist, Passover and Hanukkah at our house, jam sessions – his funeral is today. Cancer. Everyone seems to die of cancer. Ryan wondered what to do with his anniversary with Joyce, after she died. He didn’t have to wonder long. He died a week ago just about two years after she did. Cancer. He is no longer worried about his anniversary, how it will feel when it comes around, how it feels when it’s here, whether to mention it, not mention it, toast it, ignore it. Bob was older. Early 70s. Ryan was in his 40s.

And I’m in my 50s now. Late 50s. I was in my mid 40s then, when I first wondered what to do with this date. Lots of people have died since then. But not me. So I’m still wondering. Like my father wondered. His father, too. Now, no more wondering.

And wondering how much longer I will feel this way. How much longer will this date still have this charge? If the answer is for the rest of my life, how much longer will I still wonder what to do with it?

I’m not looking to leave anytime soon, but I do want to know what to do. How to notice it, and give its proper due without tripping over it, without ignoring it, which I could not do. Would not do. Would not want to do. Could not forgive myself if I did. 

 
1 Comment

Posted by on December 21, 2021 in Family, psychology, Social

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

One response to “Today is my Anniversary

  1. Janet Harazda

    December 21, 2021 at 2:54 PM

    Dear Adam, I want you to know I enjoy reading your posts or blog or whatever you call it. They’re pretty raw sometimes but that’s life, and why hide it? I am amazed that nobody responded to your dwarf or troll post. That one concerned me a bit because I care about you and admire you for your courage to speak up when so many, including myself, prefer to blend into the background most of the time. I hope you will reach out to those who love you before you would actually hurt yourself. Yes, Adam, I admire you and your smarts and sense and honesty and kindness. I think any students of yours are extremely lucky to have you as their teacher. I have no doubt they will never forget you and the unusual lessons and example you set for them. By the way, Lefty (Bob) left the same date as Chris, Dec. 16th. Much love, Jan Harazda

     

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